[jhubbel]

21st Century networking is moving in a radically new direction. Lately I've heard the new schmooze line as "how can I help you?" Great, but the problem is that it's asked by people who haven't taken the time to get to know the other person well enough to be able to be of service. Therefore, it's become just another throw away line, something that indicates that we're just here for the deal.

You can't rush relationships. One thing is for sure- if you want the business, you have to earn it, and you have to deal with the people who can offer it. And that means you have to develop the right to do business with them by earning their trust, regard and respect. Asking "how can I help you" after five minutes of light chatter is an insult.

I've been teaching people to ask "how can I help you?" in my networking classes for nine years now. But the point is to ask it once you've spent time getting to know someone's business. Who they are. Where they're headed. And all that time, you need to be thinking about your Rolodex, who you know that can help him/her, how you can be of service to get them to their goals. That's what the question is all about. The more you help others succeed, the more you succeed. That's the heart of this question, and there is no shortcut to the work. You have to be genuinely curious, and you have to listen with genuine interest. The amazing thing is that when you do spend the time, you find out great things about other people that really are interesting, probably because you stop worrying about what you're going to say next!

The next time you find yourself in a social situation, resist the urge to say "how can I help you?" because it's the latest "in" thing to say in networking. Be real. Be authentic. That's all anyone really wants from you anyway. That and your attentive ear. Ask good questions and pay attention to the answers. Then when you offer help, you will have something substantive already in mind- you won't have to ask how; you'll already know. And that will be powerful and memorable. And wouldn't you rather be powerful and memorable? Happy connecting!