The new schmooze line in networking

[jhubbel]

21st Century networking is moving in a radically new direction. Lately I've heard the new schmooze line as "how can I help you?" Great, but the problem is that it's asked by people who haven't taken the time to get to know the other person well enough to be able to be of service. Therefore, it's become just another throw away line, something that indicates that we're just here for the deal.

You can't rush relationships. One thing is for sure- if you want the business, you have to earn it, and you have to deal with the people who can offer it. And that means you have to develop the right to do business with them by earning their trust, regard and respect. Asking "how can I help you" after five minutes of light chatter is an insult.

I've been teaching people to ask "how can I help you?" in my networking classes for nine years now. But the point is to ask it once you've spent time getting to know someone's business. Who they are. Where they're headed. And all that time, you need to be thinking about your Rolodex, who you know that can help him/her, how you can be of service to get them to their goals. That's what the question is all about. The more you help others succeed, the more you succeed. That's the heart of this question, and there is no shortcut to the work. You have to be genuinely curious, and you have to listen with genuine interest. The amazing thing is that when you do spend the time, you find out great things about other people that really are interesting, probably because you stop worrying about what you're going to say next!

The next time you find yourself in a social situation, resist the urge to say "how can I help you?" because it's the latest "in" thing to say in networking. Be real. Be authentic. That's all anyone really wants from you anyway. That and your attentive ear. Ask good questions and pay attention to the answers. Then when you offer help, you will have something substantive already in mind- you won't have to ask how; you'll already know. And that will be powerful and memorable. And wouldn't you rather be powerful and memorable? Happy connecting!

[Carlos]

There are other ways, though. You need to market YOURSELF. I've seen a trend, that when you market yourself in the industry that you grew up loving, the industry you want to push forward, the industry that you want to drive....Some owners of big websites (and companies) come after you, and will try to gain your trust, your respect...They are the ones who will not stop at "what can I do for YOU?"

For many years, I've been trying to build a reputation around me. I've written articles, I've met a few people (so far) that are very serious about business, a few alliances broken. But you never know if they will forgive and forget.

I've attended some events to push this further. And I've learned so much more from attending huge events, than I do from taking classes. When you're in the spotlight of the camera, people start to notice you, and talk about you.

The longer you're online, and you separate from the pack of other people, the more search engines search your [unique] name. If your name is NEW to google, then they will search you, since you're first on their list.

I do agree with that sentiment about helping others. In my years of experience, my helping out other people pays off, because right now, a limited company is pursuing business with me.

I registered, to learn more from this site's members. Because right now, I'm at crossroads. Rock and hard place in life at the moment.

[foundit]

Originally Posted by Carlos

There are other ways, though. You need to market YOURSELF. I've seen a trend, that when you market yourself in the industry that you grew up loving, the industry you want to push forward, the industry that you want to drive....Some owners of big websites (and companies) come after you, and will try to gain your trust, your respect...They are the ones who will not stop at "what can I do for YOU?"

For many years, I've been trying to build a reputation around me. I've written articles, I've met a few people (so far) that are very serious about business, a few alliances broken. But you never know if they will forgive and forget.

I've attended some events to push this further. And I've learned so much more from attending huge events, than I do from taking classes. When you're in the spotlight of the camera, people start to notice you, and talk about you.

The longer you're online, and you separate from the pack of other people, the more search engines search your [unique] name. If your name is NEW to google, then they will search you, since you're first on their list.

I do agree with that sentiment about helping others. In my years of experience, my helping out other people pays off, because right now, a limited company is pursuing business with me.

I registered, to learn more from this site's members. Because right now, I'm at crossroads. Rock and hard place in life at the moment.

I believe that successful people have an obligation, in turn, to help others become successful. It really is a karma thing. I think mentoring is today's version of teaching people to fish, rather than giving them a fish.

[ChristianDeBlis]

I'm a young businessman, and I learned quickly the value of lending a helping hand.

Just recently, I connected with a software engineer/architect on LinkedIn. He's from Argentina (now in Zurich) and I'm starting a new firm in Buenos Aires, AR (real estate investment/property management).

I saw the possibility of us being able to help one another, but mostly I thought he was an interesting guy. My intent was to simply start a dialogue, no expectations, which is an important point I'll get to.

I introduced him to a recruiter at Google, a company he's been trying to get into for years. I sent along his resume, as well as a recommendation that I thought would click with this particular recruiter (they're both language buffs). The recruiter, Anne, responded within the hour, and finally HR from Mountain View and New York is paying him some attention. It's in the preliminary steps, but his gratitude for this simple introduction was overwhelming.

Next, he introduces me to a few people/organizations that can really help me market my firm, as well as do some good in the community. This is one example where a friendship budded from "is there anything I can help you with?" coupled with an interest in learning more about the person.

In my experience, when you begin a relationship without expectations, you set the stage for a lot of wonderful possibilities. And many times, the "karma" thing isn't linear... you help person A, person B helps you, person C helps B and A and you help person C. It's a network, loosely connected by goodwill.

And I can tell the difference between "how can I help you?" - and the sometimes underlying meaning, "how can you help me?" And even though the underlying meaning can be somewhat negative, many times a relationship is started with a gift that grows toward reciprocation. One thing I've learned is how to take the first step, and not expect anything in return.

For me, this is the best way to market myself, because it's at the core of my identity/philosophy of life.

(And I love the fish analogy, because everyone can relate to it.)

[David Sandusky]

Nice story and example for all! Bank balance networking - deposit, deposit, deposit...withdraw.
Moderator note: This thread was started as an industry trend and copied in the networking forum. Hop over their for more on networking.